A sibling in heaven

I don't think there's anything more exciting in life than seeing those 2 lines on a pregnancy test that shows you a whole new human being is on the way! When we tested for Bobby I had no idea I was pregnant. I just thought I had trapped wind! I had bought some jelly babies, wind relief and a pregnancy test on my way home from work after feeling sick and was literally in shock seeing the result! Happy shock of course, but still that amazing disbelief.

This time round I just knew it. Literally from Day One I said to Chris I was pregnant. I did a test which of course was way too early and came back negative. Then another test a week later, and another a week later and then finally on test 4 or 5 it came back with the positive result. A little brother or sister for the Bobster with a due date of 12th November. So very exciting.

I told my closest friends, and my family, and booked in with the midwife. I planned my maternity leave, made a list of jobs to do to help prepare like get their name down early at nursery and so on. I adjust my training sessions to ensure I didn't over do it. I started drawing plans for the spare bedroom and how that would become the new nursery.

I think all I've ever wanted in life was to be a Mum. I never stopped to think that along the way nature might have a plan of it's own.

Sadly the pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage which was just the most hideous time of my life. It was a threatened miscarriage for a few weeks..... I think hope can be a very cruel thing. I'm not sure I'll ever forget that chapter of my life, or the hopes and dreams and plans that little baby brought.

We'll try again and hope that a little rainbow baby can be welcomed into our family. I just felt this was too significant a thing to not write a short blog about. I may not be a mum of 2 (yet), but I am certainly a proud Mum to Bobby and this will make me hold him a little tighter, for a little longer and tell him I love him a little louder.